Tick Tock

When Bella was young, she had a trainer named Sapir. Sapir was a former dog trainer for the Israeli army. Sapir scared the crap out of us and we did whatever he said. Bella followed Sapir around like he was The Messiah.  I remember Sapir saying something which I now take issue with, albeit safely from my home halfway across the country. Sapir claimed that dogs have no sense of time. If you ever spend the afternoon in our house, not only will you feel quite sorry for me and run far far away as soon as possible, you will also come to the conclusion that Sapir is full of hooey. 

Bella eats twice a day, breakfast is around 7 am and dinner is at 4:27. Why 4:27 you ask? Well, I have figured out the 4:27 is as long as the time can be pushed without one of us losing our mind. The picture above was probably taken around 4:05. At 3:55,  she was most likely standing behind the sofa where I was sitting, letting out a moan to indicate that she might, in fact, fall over from starvation at any moment if I was not careful. I usually ignore her, at which point she comes over to the side of the sofa and lays her head on the arm, looking up at me with pathetic eyes and tries a new tactic, the moan/whine combo. 

As I  kindly provide her with periodic updates such as, "22 more minutes," her moany-whine progressively gets louder, more high-pitched, and more desperate. I continue to ignore her, so she usually runs around in front of me in hopes that it was only my lack of peripheral vision that was standing between her and her dinner. After realizing that this is not the case, she will come over to me, let out another moan, and stick her giant schnoz between me and whatever I am doing. I usually have to tell her that she still has 12 or so minutes left and she should probably go ahead and lay down. She will let out a dramatic groan, letting me know exactly what she thinks of me as she falls to ground with a thud. At this point her eyes are glued to me, waiting for any indication that it is time.

At the slightest movement from me (it could be a sneeze), she will jump up and race to the kitchen and sit waiting for her food to be served. I put her bowl in front her her, she has to wait until I say okay, and then she inhales her dinner. At this point, I have had to endure at least a half-hour of pre-dinner hell for the 30 seconds of sheer bliss she likes to call dinner. And, just for the record, God save you if you are busy at 4:27 because she doesn't care if you are about to take a phone call from the Dalai Lama, 4:27 means 4:27. 

Perhaps if we had actually heeded all of Sapir's training advice, Bella would be a normal dog that ate dinner at a normal time and I would be one Valium farther away from a stay in rehab, but where would the fun be in that?