Ornery Like a Certain 95 Year Old Man.

My ex-husband had a grandfather who was very, very old and lived in an an assisted living apartment in Ft. Lauderdale. He was known to have once chased a group of elderly ladies who were talking too loudly from the pool room while brandishing a pool cue and screaming obscenities. 

Another time, when we visited for his 95th birthday, he accused me of stealing from him. We, along with 12 or so other family members, were sitting in the living room of his apartment when he looked over at me and said, "Kelli. Kelli. There was a photo of my son Arthur sitting on the shelf over there. It's not there anymore. Did you take it?" So, I had never even met this man before and now he is accusing me of stealing a picture of some other person that I had never met. Why yes mister, I did steal your picture. I just couldn't imagine the possibility of living a fulfilled life without that photo of Arthur as mine." Not a single person stood up for me or called the man a crazy loon, which would have been the case if this happened in my family, and this is precisely why they are now my EX-family.

To get to my point, this is kind of what Bella is like. She is a grump. Plain and simple. She likes to groan and growl and generally show her dissatisfaction with the state of the world. If you're sitting where she wants to sit, she'll whine. If you accidentally bump her, she give you a dirty look along with a growl of displeasure, and if, God forbid, you try and make her go outside when she does not care to, while she doesn't own a pool cue, she makes use of what she's got throwing an all out dog fit.

Note to Lulu: shhh......

The Subtleties of Sisterhood

I just walked past the door and happened upon this scene. My first thought was, "Oh, that is sooo sweet. Lulu went to sit by Bella, two peas in a pod." Upon closer inspection, I realized that Bella is laying on top of Lulu's leash so, while I would like to believe that this scene is all about love, I think it is much more likely that Lulu is being held hostage, knowing if she dares to move and disturb the Queen, she will get growled at.

Ahhh... sisterhood.

While I Was Out...

Pardon the complete and total lack of posts as of late, life has been a bit crazy. I honestly didn't think that anyone actually read my blog but since I keep getting asked when I am going to start posting again, I have deduced that maybe it is just the people in my own household that don't read my blog.

Just a quick little catch up about what has been going on since I have posted:

-  Bella turned 5!

-  The pipsqueak turned 1

-  Baby YTBB (yet to be born) is now -9 weeks and counting

-  My butt (amongst other parts) got significantly larger

-  Lulu got hit by a car/truck, yet walked away unscathed

-  Scott took a new job

-  His new job is in Connecticut

-  We sold our house

-  We had to do significant remodeling before we could sell our house

-  We rented a house in New York (on the CT border)

-  We have not actually seen said house in person

-  We are trying to figure out the logistics of getting one uncomfortably pregnant lady, one crazy puppy, one grumpy dog, and one poor guy, who will surely be in need of Xanax, moved half way across the country.

If nothing else, I'm sure it will be an adventure. It always is. :-)

Merry Christmas to all...

and to all a good night.

I'm Thankful for the Crazies

Happy Thanksgiving to my sweet little peanuts. I am thankful for all of the love, joy, and general chaos that they bring to my life. I can't imagine how completely dull life would be without The Goose and Crazypants. I am thinking of you both as I laboriously lay on the beach each day in Hawaii. Thanks for being my sweet friends Bella & Lu, and get ready... life is about to get a whole lot crazier.

Seriously?

So it seems that little Lu may be going through some sort of mental breakdown. Last weekend it was the scary scary ribbons and today she has decided to add the television to her list of evil-doers. That would be the same television, in the same place, doing the same thing that it always has.

She has been sitting on her pillow growling at the tv for about an hour and a half now. Well, that might not be fair, she only growls when something on the tv moves. Needless to say, I am about to completely lose it. Even Bella has started to give her dirty looks.

Maybe, like Scott, she thinks that I may not have the greatest taste in television programming. Is it possible that the two of them could be in cahoots and this is some sad little attempt to try and make me turn off the tv and clean the house? I'm going to put on Animal Planet and see if that helps. Otherwise, it may be Puppy For Sale. Dirt. Cheap.

Update: Rob Lowe just came on Oprah and Lulu is going crazy. Apparently not a fan. I guess she is too young to appreciate his work as Billy in St. Elmo's Fire.

Evil Like Babies, Bunnies, and Rainbows

On Saturday night, we were sitting in the living room watching a movie when we heard a growl coming from the other room. Bella was, as usual, splayed out on her pillow trying to recover from a long day of napping so I used my powers of deductive reasoning to figure ou that it was Lulu. Growling is somewhat new for Lulu. If we are out on a trail and unexpectedly run into someone she deems sketchy, she will produce a low, guttural grown and usually run the other way.

Scott went to check on her and I asked what she was growling at. He said, "I have no idea, she seems to be growling at the corner." Um, okay. So we went back to the movie and called her in to the room. She came in, but a few minutes later was growling somewhat ferociously (for Lulu). My thought was that some kind of rodent got into the house while letting the girls in or out and that we just weren't seeing it. I got up and went into the room and really tried to determine what she was growling at and finally figured it out. Are you ready? It's pretty scary. Here goes:

Yep, she was growling at a jar of pretty ribbons. Scott took the jar down to show her and she ran up to it, growled, and then hauled out of the room. We still have no idea what she found so disturbing about the ribbon jar but what I find most interesting about this whole scenario is that the jar of ribbons have been in the exact same place since we brought her home in March. In fact, I have probably not even picked it up to dust, and now it is back in its place and she seems fine with it. So I guess either my ribbon are possessed by The Devil or Lulu is one fry short of a Happy Meal. I know what my guess is.

Stink, Stank, Stunk

I recently returned from the scene of the "armadillo incident." Apparently, I was not a very animal friendly person in a past life and I am now being punished for all the prior sins of my former self.

The weather here has turned cool and breezy, giving the girls an extra dose of, in my opinion, unnecessary energy. Since they were being fussy, I packed them up in the car and we headed out to play. For some reason, lately, every time we go to this particular location, Lulu becomes quite disobedient, not listening, running off, and generally being a pain in the behind. Nearing the end of our walk, I could tell that she was considering taking off, so I leashed her and headed back to the car.

I hadn't really given much thought to Bella, as she usually sticks pretty close. I called her and she was pretty far back, obviously enamored with something sure to be gross. I told her to "leave it," which she usually obeys but not so much today. So I, being too lazy to go all the way back and get her, proceed to watch her somersault into God Knows What on the ground and rub around in it. Now Bella isn't really known to roll in disgusting things so I am thinking this must be super special for her to partake in. Finally, after about 10 minutes, she comes trotting up, happy as a clam.

Well, I am not so happy. I am already annoyed and then get the joy of smelling her coming about 15 feet before she gets back to us. I look her over and notice that she is covered in what I can only describe as smelly, smelly goo. I still, two hours later, can not figure out what this goo actually is and, in order to not have to make myself gag more than I already have today, have decided not to delve any deeper into this mystery.

I have these wipes in my car and spent a good ten minutes wiping her down. I thought I had done a decent job until I closed the door to my car and dared to breathe. The stench, which I will spare you from describing, was unbearable. I swear if we were a little closer to home, I would have made her trot along side the car. Of course, to keep "Bella pace" I would have had to drive about -2 mph.

Once we arrived home, I tried to scurry her into the bathroom, bribing her with her favorite treats, the equivalent of dog crack. She ran into the bathroom, grabbed the treat from me, and hauled ass back down the hall and into her fort. Bella's "fort" is underneath the dining room table. That is her safe place and where she goes when she is feeling scared, vulnerable, or just plain doesn't want to do something.

Getting Bella out of her fort is almost impossible. There are a few tricks that sometimes work and I tried all such tricks to no avail. I have given up for now, which may sound lame but, believe me, is just a matter of being realistic. She may have won this battle but just wait until Scott comes home and BAM, we win the war. You will be bathed you stinky stinky dog. Until then, I will just concentrate on breathing through my mouth.

Happy HOWLeween

Here's wishing you a Happy Howleween from Bella and Lu. Yes, I am aware that I need to update my technology and that not everyone enjoys watching sideways dark videos but I figured it would be in the spirit of Halloween.

Have a howling good day!

Misunderstood

Yesterday, I was at the dog park and a woman started a conversation with me about the girls' collars. I told her that it was my business and we chatted. She called over 2 of her friends to show her the collars and I noticed that one of the women was carrying a leash that I had made. She was a very nice older woman with a thick German accent. The next part of the conversation went something like this:

Me: "Oh, that is one of my leashes."

Her: "No it isn't"

Me: "Hmm, can I see it?"

Her: "Sure"

(So I look at the leash and absolutely know that I made it and hand it back to her)

Me: "Are you sure. I really think that it is"

Her: "No, my daughter bought it for me"

Other lady: "I think she got it at Petsmart"

Me: "I don't think they carry these at Petsmart"

Other lady: "Oh yes they do, they have several cute designs"

At this point I feel like I am in an episode of the Twilight Zone but don't know what else I can do to convince these ladies that, in fact, it is one of my leashes. So I think to myself, "Whatever crazy ladies." I tell them to have a nice a day, and continue on our walk.

A couple minutes later, I run into the woman with the leash and she says to me that she thinks there was a misunderstanding. Apparently she thought that I was literally saying that the leash was mine, as if she had taken my leash. So, while I thought they were crazy for not understanding that I really did make her leash, they thought I was accusing her of stealing my property. I guess in the kingdom of crazy, that would make me the Queen.